standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
