ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize