you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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