if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
