Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
