every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
