I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Randomize
