I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
