I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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