I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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