I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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