Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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