considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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