you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
