The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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