Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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