he puts the penis in happiness.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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