He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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