there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
