I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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