Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
