I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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