Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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