dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
