I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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