i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
