Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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