hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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