I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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