he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
