so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
