this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
