I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
