i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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