Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
