apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
