Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sarcasm needs its own font
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize