and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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