I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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