Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
