Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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