I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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