I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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