Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
