you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
