He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
