Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
