We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
