i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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