from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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