She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
