There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
