my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
