Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
