FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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