I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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