I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
