I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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