I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
