from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
