Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
