i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
