Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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