is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
