I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
