but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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