I wish my penis had an off switch
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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