Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize