I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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