Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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