He uses pillows to masturbate.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
