Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
