The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
