hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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