there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
