i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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