She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
