she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
