oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
