I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize