how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
