Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He shit in the fireplace
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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