You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We need a shit load of segways right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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