and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
