we have pet lesbian snakes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
