Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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