Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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