I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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