i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
