I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
