I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
