Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
